Two Weeks of Sorta Kinda Paleo

June, 2013

As I mentioned in my blog post (In Search Of Answers June 2013), I had to go on a very strict elimination diet. I was following what is considered a Paleo diet (meat, fish, fowl, vegetables, fruits, roots, tubers and nuts). What? Wait a minute...roots and tubers? Never in my life had I consider that some of the food I was already eating was considered roots and/or tubers. Both words did not sound remotely appetizing. I did some research (that means Google) and little did I know that yams, potatoes and sweet potatoes are tubers. Carrots, beets and turnips are root vegetables. Now I go up to perfect strangers and ask them when was the last time they ate a root or a tuber (not really but that would be hilarious to see what answers I would get).
 
As luck would have it the beginning of this food elimination diet happened to coincide with a road trip. I started on the diet on a Wednesday and the following Sunday I had to drive my son to his college orientation...a four hour drive away. After dropping him off, I was then driving into the mountains to stay for two days. The house is forty-five minutes away from ANY food store.

I'm used to "going without". I have been going without eating a lot of different things (anything containing gluten, shellfish & nightshades). Now I had to find foods that were also free of eggs, dairy AND could go on the road with me. This meant an emergency trip to Whole Foods. After about two hours of label reading and $100 later, I had one bag of food to take with me. I hadn't had a chance to really study the Paleo way of eating so I just had to go with what I could find. I was really happy that I had a Whole Foods in my area because there is no way I could have gotten enough to eat from Food Lion. I had bags of dried fruit, bags of nuts, raw nut & fruit bars, plantain chips, fruit leather (tastes better than in sounds) and raw coconut macaroons. I bought some fresh fruit to get me through the days before the trip (apples, grapes, bananas & oranges).

We left on a Sunday and headed north into the WORST traffic I have ever been in. A trip that was supposed to take four hours took almost seven. I preceded to eat everything I had bought at Whole Foods during those seven hours. At some point we stopped at an Arbies so that my son could eat lunch. Guess what I ate from Arbies...a "naked" baked potato...no butter, no sour cream, no cheese...NOTHING! Off their entire menu, a freaking potato was the only thing that wouldn't poison me. This diet was not getting off to a great start but I was determined to stick with it. We arrived at the hotel and I was so hungry, I could have eaten the delicate floral patterned comforter. We ended up in the hotel restaurant and the only thing I could eat from their entire menu was a "naked" hamburger...no bun, no cheese. I did ask if they could add some mushrooms and onions but had to explain in my best Spanish (that means numbers 1-6 and please & thank you) thank I would crap in my pants or barf on the table if anything got cross contaminated. They must have gotten the message from me pointing back and forth from my mouth to my ass because I had no embarrassing reactions.

I was able to make it through the two days at the mountain house by finding an awesome grocery store and stocking up with more gluten free, shellfish free, nightshade free, dairy free and egg free food. The biggest challenge with this diet was that most everything I could eat had to be prepared in some way. I had plenty of "snacks" that I didn't have to do anything to (just reach my hand into the bag) but lunch & dinner was a whole other story. The following week and a half before I could start introducing certain grains (rice, corn & soy) back into my diet I TRIED to eat fresh fruits, vegetables, meat, chicken, fish and lots of nuts...more nuts that I have ever eaten in my life. Nuts became my constant companion. I was still working over seventy hours a week so preparing and cooking meals was extremely difficult.

 I had became obsessed with hummus and carrots during the two week elimination diet. The Paleo diet does not allow hummus (chickpeas = hummus and chickpeas are legumes not nuts) but as I stated before, I was trying the diet (Paleo) to determine further food allergies. Since I had been eating hummus without experiencing any funky reactions, I decided that I would keep it in my diet. I realized too late that I was a cheater...thankfully in this case there was no need for a divorce.

The Six Letter Dirty Word

Most dirty words are four letters but I beg to differ. The dirty word in my house (actually just between my husband and me) is six letters...H-U-M-M-U-S. The mere mention of that word now makes me tense up. Let me set the record straight, I LOVE HUMMUS. Unfortunately, my husband does not love HUMMUS. We ended up having one of the worst arguments over it. It started with a question my husband asked me as we were lying in bed watching "House Hunters" or "Love It or List It" (I can't remember which). Here is my version:

Husband: How long ago did you eat hummus?

Wife: Why?

Husband: Because I can smell it...it's coming out of your pores.

Wife: You know perfectly well that HUMMUS is one of the few foods that I can actually eat. You have told me at least twice before that you can smell the HUMMUS wafting out of my pores. I try not to eat it if you are going to be around but I was starving earlier in the day and you weren't here. I thought it was safe. (blood pressure and pitch of my voice raised <on a scale of 1-10> to a 5)

Husband: So it was earlier in the day that you ate HUMMUS?
(this is when I realized that my husband was trying to calculate how much longer he was going to have to smell my stinking HUMMUS pores...blood pressure and pitch was now at 8)

Wife: You don't get it do you? (blood pressure and pitch was now an 11+) You have no fu*king idea what it's like to be me. You don't know what it's like to only be able to eat like ten things without becoming ill. You sit there and stuff your face with whatever the hell you want and never think twice about me.

Husband: Let me just say to you that I will NEVER, EVER mention that six letter word again...trust me on that!

Wife: WHAT??? That's all you have to say to me...that you won't ask me if I ate HUMMUS? This is so much more than that and you know it!

Husband: Whoa...wait a minute...this isn't just about me saying that you reek for days after you eat HUMMUS?

This argument is when I knew I needed to start my "Food Allergy Extraordinaire" blog again. It really wasn't about the hummus. It was about feeling alone inside of my own head. If you don't have a chronic illness then you have no idea what it is like dealing with a body that is not cooperating. You have no idea what it is like to feel "less than" or "damaged". My husband is a pretty healthy guy. He can eat whatever he wants. We have been married nineteen years and as much as I know he loves me, even he doesn't really know what its like to be me.

I have been trying for the last three months to get back on here but I kept thinking that I needed to start from the very beginning of my trip down "the chronic illness from hell" road. This would mean going back over 17 years when I first got extremely ill. When I was down to eighty-five pounds and so sick I had to sleep sitting on the couch with my knees to my chin (think of a sitting fetal position) for months. I will get to all of that in future posts but for now I just need to write about what I have been through. Sometimes it helps to let it all out. Maybe my journey will sound familiar and you learn something that helps you. Maybe you have been through some of the same things and you can help me. In any case, I glad your here.