Thanksgiving and The Spiral Ham of Death (a GLUTEN FREE adventure)!

 Photo Credit: honeybaked.com

Ahhhh...it's the most wonderful time of the year. Yeah right...not really if you have food allergies. Everyone else around me can't wait for the holidays because they get to eat their asses off without a care in the world. No cross contamination to worry about and no hidden gluten ingredients to fear. This year for me the holidays mean that I either make an entire Thanksgiving/Christmas meal for myself or I politely eat my gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nightshade free pretzels while everyone else stuffs their faces full of all of my favorite foods that would put me in bed for days if I consumed even a bite.

I haven't decided which route I'm going to take (cook or starve) this year but I wanted to share with you something that ALMOST happened to me last Thanksgiving. I did not know at that time that I shouldn't have been eating dairy or eggs, so I was most concerned (obsessed) with gluten. I had already talked with my MIL about the Thanksgiving menu and made sure that I would have at least a couple things to eat. I was looking forward to turkey, ham, mash taters, sweet taters and corn puddin'. I knew I couldn't have the green bean casserole (made with cream of mushroom soup that contains gluten) and obviously the dinner rolls. I brought with me my own homemade GF gravy and my GF crackers to enjoy my SIL's famous Buffalo Chicken Dip.

It was Thanksgiving day and we were all in the kitchen loading our plates up with the goodies. I noticed that the ham looked different than in had in years past but I didn't put to much thought into it. We all sat down to eat and say the blessing. As I was about to put a bite of ham in my mouth when my MIL commented that this year she decided to buy and bake a spiral ham. I looked down at the piece of ham on my fork and I noticed the brown coating on the outside. I asked her about it and she said "It came with a packet of seasoning and I just added water to make a paste to spread over the ham. Don't worry...it's just brown sugar". No...she didn't just say "Don't worry" 'cause I am about to freak out. I wanted to throw down my fork and run screaming through the house "Danger...Danger...ALERT...ALERT". But what I really did was politely excuse myself back to the kitchen and throw everything off my plate away. I got a new plate and started over again...without the ham.

Just like in gravy mixes, gluten can hide in seasoning packets too. After eating and BEFORE everyone cleaned off their plates into the garbage, I rummaged and found the seasoning packet ingredients. It did indeed contain GLUTEN! It is so important that you think about every single thing that you put into your body BEFORE you consume it when you have food allergies. It is imperative when you eat out either at a restaurant or at someones house that you are able to find out everything about the meal. If you are to uncomfortable to ask, then you better a) bring your own food b) not eat anything you can't verify the ingredients. This might mean upsetting your MIL or getting funky looks from a waiter but this is about your health and you must be your own advocate. Trust me when I say NO ONE else will care as much about a seasoning packet that is just "brown sugar" than you. At the time, I had been eating gluten free for over eleven years and I still almost got "glutened" because I let my guard down.

I was almost killed (or at least my stomach) by a spiral ham, don't let this happen. Don't let "The Spiral Ham of Death" get you.

BEWARE of the Steaming Wands of Cross Contamination at STARBUCKS!!!

I used to start each day off right by poisoning myself. I put half & half in my hot tea (along with a shit ton of sugar) every single morning for the last twenty years. That was until this past June when I found out that I can't consume dairy. It seems that even trace amounts of it make me ill. I also cannot consume gluten, egg, shellfish or nightshades...I know right...major bummer.  By the grace of Whole Foods and the So Delicious company, I have found a coconut creamer that makes my mornin' tea taste almost the way it used to when I was sucking down the toxic half & half.

Enter into the mix...Starbucks. I usually only order sweetened ice tea but I received a half off coupon for an espresso beveridge. Hot Damn! I would never pay $5.00 for a tall caramel macchiato but for $2.50, let me just throw caution to the wind and go for it. Back in the day (this means before June 2013) when I would walk on the wild side and order a hot chocolate from SB, it would be with regular milk. I had yet to experiment with any other non-dairy product at SB. So when I went to my local SBux's with my coupon, I ordered a SOY caramel macchiato. I was giddy with excitement when the barista handed over my steaming hot cup of caramel heaven. I sucked that bad boy down and went about my merry way. My merry way turned into a mad dash to the bathroom where my intestines got insanely upset with me (this is my polite way of saying I had a blow out). I spent quite a bit of time promising the Food Allergy God's that if I found out what made me so sick, I would never ingest it again and warn others about this devil food/drink.

That freakin' discounted Starbucks drink was the only thing that I had consumed that I did not make at home. I was 20 days into a 30 day challenge of not eating ANYTHING away from home. My food allergies are severe and if I get sick from eating something I am not supposed to, I am sick for days (feels like I have the flu & stomach virus at the same time). I just couldn't believe a shot of espresso and soy milk could have done this damage. I even watched the girl pour the soy milk from the container. Please don't post comments saying "if you have such severe allergies, you shouldn't be eating or drinking anything outside you home". I get it...I knew better...but that GD coupon had me all "ohhh...I could get a soy drink...it's not dairy so I SHOULD be fine". Sometimes, I really want to just be normal and enjoy a coffee drink like the rest of our sleep deprived society.

When I was finished with the three days of confinement between my bed and the bathroom, I went on a mission to find out what in that drink had made me so ill. I called Starbucks directly and asked if  their brand of soy milk contained gluten because I know that some soy milks contain barley malt. The customer service agent said that Starbucks could not guarantee that any of their products were 100 % GF but the soy milk did not APPEAR to have any gluten ingredients.

So, I don't think it was something in the drink but what about how it was prepared? I started stalking different Starbucks around my part of town (one in a Target, one in a Harris Teeter and one corporate). More specifically I have been watching the baristas like a hawk (a very beautiful majestic stealthy hawk) and how they make the coffee drinks...especially the steamed ones. Guess what I found out? Sometimes the baristas DO NOT clean the steaming wands in between drinks. They go from a regular (dairy) caramel macchiato straight to a soy caramel machhiato using the exact same wand. It seems my tall soy caramel macchiato most likely was cross contaminated with regular (dairy) milk.

Another thing I learned is that the Starbucks staff can accidentally (or they are just to busy to clean them properly) mix up the pumps for the different syrups. The rumor on the street is that some syrups contain gluten so just be aware of that if you have severe food allergies. You might not want to take a chance on ANY Starbucks drinks except for maybe a cup of coffee with NOTHING in it.

It totally blows my mind how many other people with food allergies might have gotten sick from cross contamination at a Starbucks. I promised the Food Allergy God's that I would warn others about the devil drink that caused me so much agony but it turns out that it was not the drink but the steaming wand that brought me down. Remember this food allergy "buyer beware" tidbit the next time you feel the need for a caffeine fix.