Most dirty words are four letters but I beg to differ. The dirty word in my house (actually just between my husband and me) is six letters...H-U-M-M-U-S. The mere mention of that word now makes me tense up. Let me set the record straight, I LOVE HUMMUS. Unfortunately, my husband does not love HUMMUS. We ended up having one of the worst arguments over it. It started with a question my husband asked me as we were lying in bed watching "House Hunters" or "Love It or List It" (I can't remember which). Here is my version:
Husband: How long ago did you eat hummus?
Wife: Why?
Husband: Because I can smell it...it's coming out of your pores.
Wife: You know perfectly well that HUMMUS is one of the few foods that I can actually eat. You have told me at least twice before that you can smell the HUMMUS wafting out of my pores. I try not to eat it if you are going to be around but I was starving earlier in the day and you weren't here. I thought it was safe. (blood pressure and pitch of my voice raised <on a scale of 1-10> to a 5)
Husband: So it was earlier in the day that you ate HUMMUS?
(this is when I realized that my husband was trying to calculate how much longer he was going to have to smell my stinking HUMMUS pores...blood pressure and pitch was now at 8)
Wife: You don't get it do you? (blood pressure and pitch was now an 11+) You have no fu*king idea what it's like to be me. You don't know what it's like to only be able to eat like ten things without becoming ill. You sit there and stuff your face with whatever the hell you want and never think twice about me.
Husband: Let me just say to you that I will NEVER, EVER mention that six letter word again...trust me on that!
Wife: WHAT??? That's all you have to say to me...that you won't ask me if I ate HUMMUS? This is so much more than that and you know it!
Husband: Whoa...wait a minute...this isn't just about me saying that you reek for days after you eat HUMMUS?
This argument is when I knew I needed to start my "Food Allergy Extraordinaire" blog again. It really wasn't about the hummus. It was about feeling alone inside of my own head. If you don't have a chronic illness then you have no idea what it is like dealing with a body that is not cooperating. You have no idea what it is like to feel "less than" or "damaged". My husband is a pretty healthy guy. He can eat whatever he wants. We have been married nineteen years and as much as I know he loves me, even he doesn't really know what its like to be me.
I have been trying for the last three months to get back on here but I kept thinking that I needed to start from the very beginning of my trip down "the chronic illness from hell" road. This would mean going back over 17 years when I first got extremely ill. When I was down to eighty-five pounds and so sick I had to sleep sitting on the couch with my knees to my chin (think of a sitting fetal position) for months. I will get to all of that in future posts but for now I just need to write about what I have been through. Sometimes it helps to let it all out. Maybe my journey will sound familiar and you learn something that helps you. Maybe you have been through some of the same things and you can help me. In any case, I glad your here.
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